When I was in high school, I read this popular novel of the time called Scruples by Judith Krantz. In it, the heroine ends up attending Katherine Gibbs Secretarial School and going out in the world to bigger and better things. In the first months of my senior year of High School, I had rheumatic fever and was pretty sick for quite some time so when it came time to decide on a future, I decided to stick close to home and since Gibbs had a school in Philadelphia, off I went.
At that time, Gibbs graduates could almost write their own tickets when it came to jobs. I, however, was not the typical Gibbs gradutate. That said, I had never been unable to obtain gainful employment within a short period of time (until 2018) and I have Gibbs to thank for that - because while I wasn't the model student, I learned very important lessons that have stood me in good stead for most of my career.
Until now. I was unemployed for 20 months. I had very few interviews. The unemployment money ran out at month 9. Living as I did all those months is detrimental to more then just a person's confidence, it hurts your psyche, your heart and even your physical body.
I did finally get a job - and while it is office work of a sort, it is nothing like what I have done in the past. I'll admit, I am struggling. Professionalism in this time and at this company is completely different then what I was taught all those years ago and how I have worked for the last 30 plus years. It is what it is but I am scared to lose this job but at the same time, it seems the harder I try, the worse I do.
At that time, Gibbs graduates could almost write their own tickets when it came to jobs. I, however, was not the typical Gibbs gradutate. That said, I had never been unable to obtain gainful employment within a short period of time (until 2018) and I have Gibbs to thank for that - because while I wasn't the model student, I learned very important lessons that have stood me in good stead for most of my career.
Until now. I was unemployed for 20 months. I had very few interviews. The unemployment money ran out at month 9. Living as I did all those months is detrimental to more then just a person's confidence, it hurts your psyche, your heart and even your physical body.
I did finally get a job - and while it is office work of a sort, it is nothing like what I have done in the past. I'll admit, I am struggling. Professionalism in this time and at this company is completely different then what I was taught all those years ago and how I have worked for the last 30 plus years. It is what it is but I am scared to lose this job but at the same time, it seems the harder I try, the worse I do.
We have an adorable library - it was built with funds partially donated by Andrew Carnegie!
So, more and more I find myself feeling sick to my stomach and filled with dread every time I think about work. I also find myself paralyzed with fear during work - knowing that the first mistake of the shift is going to result in a cascade of mistakes ending up with me humiliated in front of my coworkers. I kinda think I'm too old to live like this but at the same time - I literally have no choice until the universe deems me worthy of an offer I can't refuse (and we already know this is NOT going to happen because it didn't happen in the preceding 20+ months!).
Some of the folks I work with are very passionate about what they do. We have a couple of folks who are total dynamos - I don't think they ever are still. One dude should be on the stage because no one tells a story like he does. And still others have given me glimpses into their unique worlds and I am reminded every day that the more different we are the more we are the same. I also believe in what the company does - it creates a good, honest product and that makes me feel good to work for a company doing that. I have even met a couple of people whose friendshop I hope to keep if I have to move on.
But honestly - it isnt like any factory where Ive previously worked and especially not like any office, either. But every day I go in with a 'Im going to do better today' attitude and on the days where it goes to hell in a handbasket, I hope onto clinicaltrials.gov and look at the study I ran, I delve into the history of page changes so I can see my name and know overall in those 3 years, I did great work and in the future it will make a difference.
Some of the folks I work with are very passionate about what they do. We have a couple of folks who are total dynamos - I don't think they ever are still. One dude should be on the stage because no one tells a story like he does. And still others have given me glimpses into their unique worlds and I am reminded every day that the more different we are the more we are the same. I also believe in what the company does - it creates a good, honest product and that makes me feel good to work for a company doing that. I have even met a couple of people whose friendshop I hope to keep if I have to move on.
But honestly - it isnt like any factory where Ive previously worked and especially not like any office, either. But every day I go in with a 'Im going to do better today' attitude and on the days where it goes to hell in a handbasket, I hope onto clinicaltrials.gov and look at the study I ran, I delve into the history of page changes so I can see my name and know overall in those 3 years, I did great work and in the future it will make a difference.
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